Discovering Your Yum in the Bedroom

By: Amy Baldwin

You can not ask for what you want during sex until you know what you like. Enter your new Bestie…Self Pleasure.

If you’re looking to absorb more information about your sexual being, then consider self-pleasure the ultimate sponge. One of the first things to consider is your self-pleasure practice and masturbation history. Have you ever taken the time to explore your body through solo sex? That’s masturbation, rubbing one out, batin’, shining the clam, wanking, or flogging the dolphin in the safety of your own space without anyone present.

Practice Self-Pleasure Like It’s a Dance

Some masturbation newbies will discover the intricate ways they prefer to be touched or what leads them to orgasm within a few sessions. And some won’t. For those who have been sexually active for many years, the process will probably take more time and dedication. This is why it’s called a self-pleasure practice—it’s not a one-and-done kind of thing. It involves making a commitment to caring for yourself, discovering your body, and allocating time to practice what you’ve learned. It’s like learning how to salsa dance. The first time feels challenging and even dissatisfying. But what if you went to that salsa class every day for a week or five times a week for a month? You would get comfortable with the movements, better understand the techniques, and feel more confident with every class you attended.

When it comes to your sexuality, you’re still “going to class,” but in the comfort and privacy of your own space, with just your mind, body, and maybe some sex toys. You’re the person in charge, utilizing the expertise you’ve gathered beforehand. If it feels like a chore, remind yourself that this “work” will ultimately lead easier and more pleasurable sex—it’s an investment in you. Plus, taking care of your sexuality is like giving yourself a present that benefits your entire well-being. It really is the gift that keeps on giving.

Below are some tips to get you geared up to scale that mountain of pleasure existing within your body.

Shameless Sex’s Ways to Stimulate Self-Pleasure:

Take time. Designate solo time to discover what pleases your body.
Get into the zone. Your self-pleasure zone needs to feel safe and free of any interruptions. If you get stuck in your head easily, set a timer so you can sit back, relax, and not worry about keeping track of when the session will end.
Set the scene. Create an environment that inspires relaxation and sensuality. Think about what music to play, the type of sexy lighting you want (like candles or a red-light bulb in a lamp), the clothes you’re wearing or not wearing, the areas where the session will take place (for instance, on the bed, in front of the mirror, or in the bathtub). Design a scene that will support you as you drop into your sexual essence.
Traverse with touch. Begin to explore your body by going slower than slow, and then slower than that. Mindfully observe all the subtleties of sensation that you experience. Identify the areas where you feel hints of pleasure, warmth, or tingling, and stay with those sensations for a while before diving deeper. If you encounter discomfort, numbness, or any other unpleasant sensations, try to get curious about those parts of your body—but only if it feels safe. Notice where you feel these sensations and the type of touch, level of pressure, and the speed at which they activate. Experiment with different types of touch such as less pressure, slower tempo, or even a brief pause to see what feels best. Listen to the messages your body is trying to convey to understand your likes and dislikes. Once you become familiar with what touch your body wants, share your discoveries with your partner (if you have one) before your next sexy-time session to guide them to touch you in the ways that you prefer.
Explore just about everywhere. Invite your hands to move all over your body as slowly as possible and pay attention to any sensation that arises. Maybe your hands are placed over your belly or gently rubbing your inner thighs. Perhaps you’re touching your nipples and testing out various forms of pressure and speed. Or maybe your hands are on your genitals, rubbing, massaging, and tapping different parts. The possibilities are endless—just allow your hands to be the intuitive conductors of your body’s desires and you could discover things you never knew about your body.
Get inspired by porn. Porn can serve as a mechanism to introduce you to new themes, categories, or actions that get your bits throbbing. There is infinite content available on the internet but pause for a moment of consideration before you begin entering keywords into the search engine. Think about what you want or don’t want. You could watch something that doesn’t sit right with you, resulting in a complex shame spiral. If this happens, add whatever you viewed to your “I don’t like” list on your sexual menu. As a reminder, while porn can offer inspiration, it’s designed for entertainment and not education.
Journal your journey. After each self-pleasure session, write down what you’ve discovered by noting the areas and ways your body liked or disliked your touch. Also, write down how you were feeling before you entered the session. What was your stress level? How did you sleep the previous night? Did you exercise that day? Were there any outside factors impacting your emotional state? Then, note how you feel after the session. Are there any noticeable shifts or changes in your mood? Get curious about the before and after.
Circle back and revisit. Each time you practice, look back at the pleasure notes you took from the previous session and see if there’s a place to focus on during this round. Do your notes suggest a particularly effective method of touch on a certain area of your bits? Was there an uncomfortable zone that you’d like to avoid? Maybe your notes suggest more rapidity and pressure when you’re having a hard day. Your masturbation practice can be informative, dynamic, and always evolving. Savor all of these nuances and let your growing knowledge and understanding guide you as you move forward into other sexual experiences, solo or otherwise.
Experiment with sex toys. Welcome to the wonderful world of wanking with sex toys! We’re giddy with every exclamation of excitement possible—yippee, hurrah, woo-hoo, yee-haw, and fuck yeah! There are reasons to believe humans have used objects other than bodies to get off since the dawn of humanity. But we can say with full confidence that the golden age of sex toys is now—with countless advances in sex tech and massive improvements in product innovation, accessing the right toys has never been easier. It only takes a quick peek at what the first vibrators looked like to appreciate how much progress has been made in the century since they were invented. We can’t wait to spread our good vibes your way with some of our favorite sex toys; check them out at Shameless Sex Faves.

If you found yourself particularly turned-on or curious about anything you’ve learned from practicing these tips, add those to your list of things “I might want to try” on your sexual menu. This doesn’t mean you have to act anything out in real time—it could be something that works to arouse you only by thinking or talking about it. If you’re with a partner, sometimes simply sharing those naughty turn-ons with them is all you need to add a little spice into your sexual soup.

Happy exploration!