Best Positions for Orgasm During Partnered Sex

Amy asks:

When my boyfriend and I have sex I can only have an orgasm when I am on top of him (this is how it has always been, even with other guys). It seems like I have to have clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. I would love to be able to have an orgasm with him in other positions. I am fully open to the idea of getting some kind of a toy to help out the situation but I would prefer to try and do it without first. Are there any positions that you could recommend to me that would increase my chances of having an orgasm without me being on top of him? And if I do have to get a toy is there one you could recommend to me? Thanks so much.

Dear Amy:

First things first...you have the most beautiful name I've ever heard! Seriously, it's Eargasm-worthy ;)

Now onto the important stuff. It sounds like you are one of the many millions upon millions of women who primarily orgasm from clitoral stimulation. With 8000 nerve endings (nearly twice as much as the penis!), the clitoris is one of the only parts of the human body designed specifically for pleasure. And it get's even better; there's more to the clitoris than that which is visually accessible to the naked eye. The clitoris has nerve endings that run along the anterior wall of the vaginal opening. So if you feel pleasure in these areas, it may be related to indirect clitoral stimulation.

In your case, it sounds like your orgasms primarily occur when your clit rubs against your partner's skin (and not from manual stimulation from you and/or your partner). Many women find it easy to orgasm in this position because they have full control of the way they are being stimulated. One tilt of your pelvis and you can rub your clit against your partner's body as hard and fast as you please, making it a fantastic and powerful sexual position.

Several other positions allow for this same skin-on-skin clit rubbing. However, they generally involve your guy on top of you, making it more difficult for you to control the level of clitoral stimulation between your bodies. Here's a tip: When in a missionary position (with your partner on top and facing you), ask him to tilt his hips forward and back with each thrust. You want him to rub his pubic bone in your direction along your clit. Communication will allow for more success in this position. Faster, slower, more or less pressure; let him know what feels good for you. You can also use your hands on his hips to actively lead his movements. Better yet, rock your pelvis against him with each thrust in a way that stimulates your clit.

If you're getting your orgasms via internal penetration, this may be from indirect clitoral stimulation on or around the tail of the clit. Is this the same as the G-spot, you ask? The jury is still out on this one, but there's a good chance it is. If you think you may be a g-spot kind of girl, try any position that allows for the head of your partner's member to put pressure on this area (i.e. up towards the anterior wall of the vagina, or towards your belly button). I suggest trying this with your man on top and facing you, with your legs straight up (or bent if that is more comfortable for you).

Also, manual stimulation of the clit may allow you to orgasm in just about any position. And if fingers just aren't cutting, vibrators are fantastic for clitoral stimulation during playtime. The We-Vibe Tango X is a great toy for partner play as it is compact enough to fit between two bodies. If you want something that includes the sensation of sucking, you might consider the newest of  Satisfyer's Liquid Air pleasure waves, the Pro 2 Generation 3.

For more information, check out the book, "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.. We also offer online classes, on our ShamelessSexPodcast.com site, for you and your partner to take 'lessons' in the comfort of your home.