What's the Difference Between "Fucking" and "Making Love"?
Alright, y'all, let's dive into some juicy stuff. Have you ever wondered about the difference between "fucking" and "making love"? In a recent episode of the
Shameless Sex Podcast, Amy and April sat down with intimacy experts Erwan and Alicia Davon to break down what each phrase really means. They talked about how you can lean into both of these experiences to create a more vibrant and fulfilling sex life.
Head, Heart, and Beyond
Erwan and Alicia describe four "centers" that we can tune into: the head, heart, belly, and body, with the sexual center being a key part of the body. The main difference between fucking and making love comes down to which of these centers is in the driver's seat.
Making Love: When you're making love, the heart center is leading the way. This experience is all about love, sweetness, and deep intimacy. The focus is on emotional connection, and it might feel like your chest is buzzing with energy rather than just your genitals. The vibe is often described with colors like pink or gold.
Fucking: Fucking is when the sexual center takes the lead. This is a more visceral, primal, and electric experience. It’s about that raw, wild energy and focusing on the physical sensations.
Here’s the cherry on top: the Davons say the ultimate goal is to combine both. By accessing your heart for love and connection while also leaning into that raw, primal feeling, you can make your sexual experiences truly colorful and dynamic. You can even alternate between the two within the same encounter.
Making Your Own Rules
It's common for people to get a little hung up on the phrase "making love," which can feel a bit cringey or loaded with expectations, especially in casual situations. The Davons suggest thinking about it as "heart contact" instead—just a simple way to describe when you're connecting intimately. And let's be real, it's totally normal to feel your heart open up and feel loving energy even when you're just having casual sex.
Terms like "getting down" or "getting horizontal" fall into the "fucking" category, bringing that more intense, primal energy. Meanwhile, "getting erotic" often means leading with the heart, or maybe your head, before focusing on the more physical aspects.
When it comes to speed, we often associate "making love" with going slow and "fucking" with going fast. But the Davons say this isn't always the case; they're big fans of "slow fucking". Taking your time is actually one of the most common pieces of advice they give their students to help them stay connected and present.
Finding Your Rhythm
Is there a "right" time for fucking versus making love? Not exactly, but it often comes down to your personal lifestyle and biology. For some, mornings are great for that high-energy, primal fucking session, while evenings might be perfect for a more relaxed, intimate "making love" experience. The most important thing is to make time to get in touch with yourself—physically, emotionally, and sexually.
The Davons also touched on how tantra fits into all of this. You can totally fuck tantrically. Tantra is all about being present and cultivating a deep awareness of your body, including your sexual center.
To hear all the details on how to fuck tantrically and learn more about Erwan and Alicia Davon's work, check out the full podcast episode. The Davon Method helps both singles and couples navigate everything from sensual development and tantric practice to relationship dynamics and communication skills. It's all about meeting you where you are on your journey to shame-free pleasure.